winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
