24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
