someone threw a dead crab at me
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
