i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
