Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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