No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
