She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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