Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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