Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
