some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
wow bdsm is so cute
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
