My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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