im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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