I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
