11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
