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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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