If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
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