Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I wear drunk well.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
