i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
