I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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