my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
It was confusing and full of hummus
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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