he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
