When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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