Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
