did you get engaged???
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
