After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
