you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
