I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
