the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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