I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
