I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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