I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
