I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
