dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
