I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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