you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
