Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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