Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
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He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
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I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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