how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
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someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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