can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
