I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
