WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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