wrigley field is MILF paradise
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
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