She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
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