you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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