he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
