i don't like sucking hair
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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