I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Blood and glitter go together right?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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