i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
