Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
it was like eating out sand paper
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
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