u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I deserve this hangover.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
