I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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