Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
