I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
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They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
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It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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