we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
