your room smells of hookers.
And success
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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