Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
