I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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