I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
