Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
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I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
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Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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