I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
