That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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