Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
