3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Randomize
