Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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