If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
