sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
